Epiphanies at a Country Inn
All of us, at one time or another, walk through our days in a bit of a slumber. It's easy to do and understandable. Children, jobs, unkindness and injustice tend to weaken our resolve to live vibrantly.
Most of my life I have struggled with the duality of my inner world and the demands of outside realities. It is with gratitude that I have lately noticed less of a dissonance between those two worlds. Even at middle age, I still find glimmers of the bright-eyed boy I once was.
I think, in part, it results from disruption. Changing jobs, changing cities, living out of a suitcase and drinking wine out of a box tends to encourage reflection. I suppose you could say I am a late bloomer. I am humbled to see that - in spite of all the naïve, foolishness of my 20's and 30's - there really are second chances for dreams.
What I always wanted was to be real. And like the Velveteen Rabbit, I have learned that it is the wear and tear of life that has worked this in me. So much of my adolescence was full of dishonesty. My family, my friends, my church - all of them were playing a hypocritical game of hide and seek.
I tried desperately to play along and win, but just like recess kickball, it seems I was never chosen for that team. Of course, although painful then, I am ever grateful for the long-term results.
Because, today's epiphany, sitting in the lobby of the Country Inn & Suites (by Carlson!) in Knoxville, Tennessee - on a Sunday morning where I would much rather be lounging in bed with my wife and the Taoteching, I realized that although this lobby is decorated with colors and patterns not of my choosing, there is an honesty to it that I can respect.
The people at the desk are smiling, the fireplace in the lobby is warm, and I am feeling better about the wonder and diversity of a country made up of all kinds of people.
And, although I am different from them, there is still a way to be joyful and appreciate the honesty of being who you are.
And, with misty eyes, I remember that 5 year-old boy, confused by a world that was not what it appeared. Who struggled to stay happy and love people when they seemed to always hurt me when I least expected it.
In spite of that, sitting in the lobby of a chain hotel, I realize it's OK. All is as it should be. I am here. I am safe. I am happy.
And that in itself - is a miracle.
dg
2/1/15
Sent from my iPad
Most of my life I have struggled with the duality of my inner world and the demands of outside realities. It is with gratitude that I have lately noticed less of a dissonance between those two worlds. Even at middle age, I still find glimmers of the bright-eyed boy I once was.
I think, in part, it results from disruption. Changing jobs, changing cities, living out of a suitcase and drinking wine out of a box tends to encourage reflection. I suppose you could say I am a late bloomer. I am humbled to see that - in spite of all the naïve, foolishness of my 20's and 30's - there really are second chances for dreams.
What I always wanted was to be real. And like the Velveteen Rabbit, I have learned that it is the wear and tear of life that has worked this in me. So much of my adolescence was full of dishonesty. My family, my friends, my church - all of them were playing a hypocritical game of hide and seek.
I tried desperately to play along and win, but just like recess kickball, it seems I was never chosen for that team. Of course, although painful then, I am ever grateful for the long-term results.
Because, today's epiphany, sitting in the lobby of the Country Inn & Suites (by Carlson!) in Knoxville, Tennessee - on a Sunday morning where I would much rather be lounging in bed with my wife and the Taoteching, I realized that although this lobby is decorated with colors and patterns not of my choosing, there is an honesty to it that I can respect.
The people at the desk are smiling, the fireplace in the lobby is warm, and I am feeling better about the wonder and diversity of a country made up of all kinds of people.
And, although I am different from them, there is still a way to be joyful and appreciate the honesty of being who you are.
And, with misty eyes, I remember that 5 year-old boy, confused by a world that was not what it appeared. Who struggled to stay happy and love people when they seemed to always hurt me when I least expected it.
In spite of that, sitting in the lobby of a chain hotel, I realize it's OK. All is as it should be. I am here. I am safe. I am happy.
And that in itself - is a miracle.
dg
2/1/15
Sent from my iPad
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