love the moment

my heart hurts today, because i have seen beauty i have touched with kindness and been touched in return it is not bad nor undesired to feel this way, because life brings both sunshine and rain i listened as friends spoke of dreams and wants. i heard, too, their triumphs and defeats i with knowing share their sorrow, but also their joy of children and home i listened as my elderly parents still fail to hear one another with either kindness or knowledge. i watch as their bodies begin to betray them i watch as my feline friend purrs with a contentedness i sometimes envy - her eyes seem to know things i cannot and in spite of today's rain and cloudy sky, i see the sun insistently pushing through and i know that the gathered mists of darkness are no match for the persistent rays of daylight this is know. this i have heard. do not resist the heavy heart. do not despise its wisdom because the light of spring - the way the light is electric with spectrums not seen in winter the way t...

i yearn for beauty. the beauty of the waves rolling to the beach. the beauty of the stingray gliding smoothly through the water. and i love the beauty of women. their eyes, their hair. the way their eyebrows and lashes frame those lovely windows of their soul. and i love laughing, smiling windows. how their shape squeezes and and moves to the levity. i love long, slender hands with gentle fingers that glide over their arms or smooth their clothes. i love their shape. the sweep of the back down to the shapely bottom and long legs. and the arch of a woman's foot is as sensuous as the curve of waist or hip. oh, but not to forget full and shapely lips - ready to smile or purse or kiss as the situation allows. or even demands. and i love the beauty of skin. how it feels and how it smells and tastes. i love the slight saltiness of bodies together and their singular scent in loving. and i love the beauty of a sleeping face. with hair splayed upon the pillow - or draped softl...

like a slow winter thaw that softens under my feet, the sorrow that i had pushed down like a buried stone, has purposefully risen to the surface. and although that former firmness under foot was more practical, the slow sinking into the muck of emotion reminds me to slow down and watch where i step. the smell of mother earth, musty and rich, is the gathering of all that has lived and died before me. and, too, my own sorrow is rich with past failures and lessons learned from falling. it is that waiting moment, no longer winter but not yet springtime that beckons my notice. it asks to consider the cold winter past, but also to hope again in the rebirth of spring. it may be that my tears are but my soul's purging of cold winter nights. my grief simply the passing of bitter waters gathered in reservoirs of dark winter days. there is no use in resisting such flowing. the release, the admission, the hoping for sunshine's extension, and for the fragrant spawning of spring is the c...

Natasha Richardson died on Wednesday. Surrounded by her family, her children, her husband, her mother. In the hospital. Although she really was dead from the moment she fell and hit her head - surrounded by snow, and mountains, and trees. Things beautiful. That is really when she died. That is how we all die - surrounded by beauty. That is how we live, too. I'm not sure who made the rules, who wrote the specific parameters of our existence, but I think we need a re-write. On most days, I can avoid the sad drumbeat of mortality, surrounded as I am by people who love me, and wonders amazing. But, death has been insistent this week, and will not rest until I give him his due. The grim reaper is persistent it would seem. So, the cost of admission to death's tea is the pit in my stomach, the gripping in my throat. It is the sensation of fragility, as if this world were only an ice sculpture - magnificent and lovely - but doomed in spite of the great beauty. I try so very h...

I can say with certainty, that collard greens have never crossed by southern lips. You may find that amazing. I assure you it is true. But, I guess today I felt adventurous. Who knows why? I'm considering becoming a vegetarian. It seems almost everytime I have a food reaction, it is bad chicken. So, maybe I should just give it up, you know? Well, I would suggest you look at their menu. Lots of good stuff. http://www.calypsocafe.com/menu.htm I recommend the "Martinique Callaloo". That would be the collard greens. I was sort of expecting something awful, like cough syrup, but it was quite tasty. I guess life is like that. We avoid things that will be good for us simply because we think we know how it will turn out. I guess I've learned, most times we don't. It's like my therapist says to me (a lot) - "you're not that smart." Yeah, i guess not. As a matter of fact, I can be quite stupid. I amaze myself at times. Well, I digress. My ...

my god is the size of a walnut - or so i'm told i've never seen god, but god controls me how i feel and how i perceive god controls my awareness The hypothalamus is responsible for certain metabolic processes and other activities of the Autonomic Nervous System. It synthesizes and secretes neurohormones, often called hypothalamic-releasing hormones, and these in turn stimulate or inhibit the secretion of pituitary hormones. The hypothalamus controls body temperature, hunger, thirst, fatigue, anger, and circadian cycles. god spoke to me today he broke my heart at the sight of that little girl her stomach swollen in hunger the flies swarming her eyes like angry hornets god made that piercing in my belly that sometimes doubles me over in grief god gave me joy today your laugh, how your eyes shine when you smile god liked that The hypothalamus co-ordinates many hormonal and behavioral circadian rhythms, complex patterns of neuroendocrine outputs, complex homeostatic mechanisms, and...

this morning, the sleepy world awakens from a night of rest and repose lovers awaken to the warmth and touch of their other the familiar smell of together fills their early, deep breaths mothers, fathers - think of their day with young children of things to do and things undone from yesterday that will likely remain undone tomorrow children, too, awaken to possibility to kittens and puppies, to mudpies and maypoles if we are lucky, we all awaken not only to the day, but also to the beauty that sleeps quietly waiting to be roused from the joy of slumber

meditate think and feel concentrate on the beautiful choose to remember the compassionate do not accept the imposition of other's definitions resist the labels of the fearful establishment love is subversive, forgiveness is radical mercy is a concept foreign to self important, falsely righteous fools in collars and robes no clothing that can be removed at will is true what you are is the only garment that will endure the thousands of daily washings of joy and sorrow in the end it is not the funeral suit that you will wear for eternity no, you are clad irrevocably in those you loved and those that you did not

I'm watching the 2004 film "What the Bleep Do We Know!?" which stars Marlee Matlin, and deals with quantum uncertainty. A pretty heady subject for a Hollywood film, no doubt. All of my life, I had this feeling that was very hard to quantify. The feeling was that this world is all less real and more fantastical than anyone I knew felt. I remember in 8th grade when the teacher told me to refrain from touching the air conditioner's thermostat that I told her no one really touches anything. It is only the force of our electrons repelling each other. She was not amused. So, in this film, the ideas of quantum physics, quantum mechanics are discussed by several intellectuals who are quite enjoyable in both their appearance and their delivery. As each of them spoke, I had the distinct joy of "I told you so!!". That is not to say that I clearly understand quantum physics, I'm not sure anyone understands quantum physics. But, they did state what has been o...

Some days, when my body betrays me, my mind seemingly deserts me, in these times - it is all too much. Living with Celiac's disease, plus my many other food allergies, makes me feel sometimes like an unstable compound in a high school laboratory. One false move and something really unpleasant happens. I remember Margaret Hutcheson, she put a cracked - and very hot test tube - into the waste bin in chemistry lab. But, unfortunately, someone had improperly disposed of some excess chemicals there, as well. Unexpectedly, BOOM. Fortunately, Margaret was OK. I think the lab teacher, Mrs. Rendell, probably suffered more than Margaret did. So, off to the school nurse for Margaret, and a stern lecture to all of us budding chemists by Mrs. Rendell. Very specific instructions on how to - and how NOT to dispose of unused chemicals. It would seem that this selfsame lesson has yet to be learned by our society. Whether it is coal ash in a TVA retaining pond gone AWOL, or illegally dumped...

you know, i don't feel smaller at all. but, i'm told i've been downsized. i think i disagree. i don't feel smaller. no, i feel expansive. i feel alive to the new possibilities that i do not see. i feel like taking a risk, which always makes us bigger. i am really thankful for severance packages. i am fortunate in that, and realize many are not so blessed. also, i have friends who were actually sad to see me go. that is nice to know. today, the sun is out. tomorrow, the forecast calls for 78 degrees (in March!). life is good. it really is. as a matter of note, do NOT eat at the Bar-B-Cutie on Hwy 100 near the Loveless Cafe. i did (i normally would not, but was starving and it was all that was available for a quick snack). well, i've got an interview with North Highland Consulting this morning. i have that because of a reference from the Treasurer at Gaylord. i'll let you know how it goes. peace.

i am an imposter all that i say is not all that i am although it is true that i desire peace there is murder in my breast for the rapist and the slave master although it is no lie when i place myself as friend beside you there, also, sometimes burns desire to know you as more than friend and even when i listen kindly to your observations i wonder how in hell you came to that conclusion yes, i mostly try to do the right to fulfill my duty to all that is but sometimes, i wish to fly away living only for me, and mine and loyal only to myself how can such divergent men dwell side by side now can such calm seas belie such storms i must confess i am an imposter

i have this hunger i have a thirst burning, churning insistent i want to know, i want to feel i want to smell and taste everything like a toddler - unrestrained i want to put everything into my mouth and swish it around i want to probe and poke, question and explore why why am i here and why are you here, too why did we meet - or part why did you kiss me like that - hungry, too calmly recognizable, i knew you from long ago an ancient past - we were different then older and wiser, closer to the source of beginning so, yes, i know you but you are strange to me, yet unknowable no matter how many time we taste or smell i drink your hair, yes friend, i know you, maybe lover i know the smell of desire, a commonwealth of yearning unquenchable because we have this hunger, we have this thirst it always call us - and we must answer

nothing lasts that's what i've learned neither beauty nor pain, both shall pass and love - no matter how sweet - will fade passion, even sooner because that perfect summer the trips to the beach and the perfect blue waters they are gone now and that first snowfall that came early and framed the lingering leaves of color in white bunting that snow is not only gone, but mostly forgotten and your first kiss, so sweet and full of power can you even remember her name? or recall the soft color of her lips or eyes? no they are all gone all that remains is the mark left on your soul i labor to remember and keep my beautiful scars fresh and tender