love the moment

i'm real now i never was before, not really i had the appearance of humanity but lacked the capacity of heart to fully feel to honestly see i couldn't bear it the thought of so much pain prompted me to run caused me to hide the unexpected result - i was less than human but still more than ape some sort of evolutionary misfit neither hear nor their before, life diminished me i'd shrunken to minimize the target surface hoping to be ignored when those cosmic batteries of artillery identified ideal targets but that hunkered down existence left so much to be desired so much of life happens outside the foxhole so i found you, a kindred soul in a nearby divot we both were shell-shocked from a recent barrage of heartache face down, covered in the muck of life saturated with the dust of love-wars the scars of past skirmishes, the memories of old engagements the fears remaining in the war-fog from recent battles we were surrounded by demolished plans previously developed with such ca...

i feel so honored to be here. overwhelmed, almost. although i've always yearned to be here, to see this, to feel this moment, now that i'm actually here, i am almost speechless. the way it looks, sounds, smells is so much better than i'd expected. and no matter how many books you've read that describe it, it is nearly impossible to find the words to recount an experience so intensely personal. i'm sure all who've been here would describe it differently. but, god, if tehre were some sort of special camera that could actually record a realistic, panoramic 360. the way the light is almost electric in how it frames everything in sight. how the people's faces almost shine with the effervecense of their souls. and, my god, the smells are so heavy that they almost saturate your clothes. i'm amazed at the range of fragrances that run the gamut from subtle to overwhelming. i'm guessing that, by now, you're just dying to know more about this place....

there is something pure and holy about a cat my cat, Ms. Kittyfield, has no guile when she wants attention, she tells me when she thinks i've slept long enough and she requires my presence - NOW! - she tells me when she wants to have her back scratched or her belly rubbed there is no hesitation or shame whatsoever she solemnly presents her belly or back to me for my touch when i scratch just under her chin - her favorite spot the look of contented bliss has no veil or shutter to conceal the full measure of her pleasure and when she has had too much of a good thing she has no qualms at all about barring her claws and digging them into my hand to say STOP! - "i don't like that anymore!" and if all else fails if she feels unhappy or threatened in any way she will quickly depart - bolting from this room to another she finds more suitable to her tastes and even now, she sits on the sofa beside me and shamelessly bathes herself lost in her world of self-care and feline pamp...

It is an odd reaction, how my soul responds when I encounter great pain and suffering in another. This tired, old heart of mine becomes young and new. Gone - at least for the moment - are the scarred and dead places of my own heart, and I am blessed to respond with thoughts and actions better than I am. It is an odd sensation on my part, while absolutely and simultaneously wonderful. It is as if - for a miraculous moment - I am allowed to feel as a man ought to feel in such a situation. How wondrous is this! In times past, I had a word for such occurrences. In times past, I did not doubt that such things were both intentional - and likely to reoccur. In times past I still believed - and still so desperately sought the one thing that - in all my years of sunday school and church attendance - never knew. That one blessed and glorious thing that can heal even as bitter a heart as is my own. That one thing we all want and need so much - god's grace. for dd

she always was beautiful her smile, that hair graced many a dormitory wall men and boys wanted her women envied her she was not always happy not always lucky in love but her beauty was her ticket her loveliness guaranteed passage to most anywhere but, none of this saved her from the stalking death the creeping, insistent invader that silently entered and slowly conquered her sensuous body her money could not ransom her her friends could not persuade the enemy to relent even love did not suffice soon, she will be overcome the grim reaper that ravages her body will not be denied death is the great equalizer in the end, no matter who you are what we've done who calls us friend we all die god help us if we are blessed, our passing will be attended by lovers and friends if we are even more blessed, we will invite our family - willingly the darkness awaits hopefully so does the light dg for Farrah 5/13/09

when was mercy born? from whence did kindness travel? both, i believe, came from distant lands so far that none can choose to go there visitation is only allowed to those bidden respite is given only to those whose quiet soul listens to those who can hear the faintest voice of invitation although the words are often whispered there are few who hear even fewer still those who heed the call for the call is somber the route relayed both narrow and hard it is a journey long and arduous a great and holy journey to a mountain cold and high higher than any mount you've ever climbed it is the Everest of Forgiveness it is the Mount Fuji of Understanding it is the Himalayas of Acceptance of what is what was what will be no Sherpa can guide you there it is to the oldest peak where time is of no importance anytime you arrive is the right time dg 5/10/09

as the wind dies the sails grow slack the ship relaxes and settles into the sea the taut anticipation the nervous energy that drives the bow into the endless water stops the sea now is still placid as frozen waters all the racing to nowhere ceases and the cutter is alone bereft of gulls and spray void of urgent destination her thoughts now rest on wet and sun and loss dg 5/6/09