Conversation with God

Hey god,  It's been quite a while since we've talked, hasn't it?  I guess, to get right to the point, I feel like I don't really know you anymore.  Not that we were ever that close, really.  Our relationship was always a little unhealthy, I suppose.  Probably the age difference, for one.  You are quite a bit older (not that you don't look great...but how would I know?)

And long-distance relationships are tough - even without the language barrier.  I never did really understand half of what you said, really.  And, I suppose, like any young lover, I had really unrealistic expectations of you.  I mean, initially, I was quite intimidated by you.  I mean, the whole "killing the firstborn" is a little hard to take when you're the firstborn.

And, I have to admit feeling a lot of pressure to commit to a long-term relationship.   All your handlers, hangers-on and so-called "friends" really can be persuasive.  Fire, brimstone, eternal damnation is hard to ignore...

Of course, later, we did have the whole honeymoon period where everything seemed so rosy.  But, I'm not sure how much of that was just infatuation and young love on my part.  It's just so easy to make up fairy tales to suit when I have so little to go on.  I mean, I don't even know what color your eyes are...

Eyes, sight, seeing is a big thing with me.  I've seen a lot and, to be honest, a lot I've seen I didn't care for.  I guess the suffering of innocents is the hardest for me.  All those pictures of children scavenging for food in the garbage dumps of Cairo, or the young girls sold by their parents to the sex slavers - geez, I don't really know what to do with that really. 

I mean, you saw that, right?  I heard - albeit 2nd hand - that nothing really gets by you.  Supposedly, you see it all.  The whole "eyes to and fro over the whole earth" thing...  So, what do you do with that? 

I have to admit its hard not to take that a little personally.  I told you about my own experience at 11, and, truthfully - I mean, you do want that, right - truth? - well, truthfully, I never felt you really were too concerned about that  (which really hurt me)...   And my story is tame compared to some.

And, another thing, you seemed a bit disengaged from the relationship.  You just show up when you feel like it - and head off to who-knows-where on one of your walkabouts...

Now, I don't mean to sound ungrateful and god knows (that's sort of funny isn't it - of course you do) I don't want to piss you off.  I have heard from everybody about your temper.  So, please, PLEASE, don't take offense.

But, with all that being said, if we're going to work through this little rough patch, honest conversation is key, don't you think?  I know we have been apart a few years, but I do miss the good times we had.

Everyone says I'm a hopeless romantic - and it really is true - especially with you.  You know, I hung on everything you ever said to me - I really did.  Well, given the obvious obstacles of language, distance, and age, I mean.  So really, I guess I mean I hung on everything I imagined you said - if truth be told.

But, like they say - any port in a storm, right??

Well, anyways, I gotta get ready for work soon.  You know how it is - mortgage, lawyers, credit cards.  Oh wait, you don't much worry about that stuff with all your investments and real estate, I guess.  Well, most of us "little people" do worry.  Yeah, yeah, I know I hear you say you shouldn't worry - but hey - there have been a lot of time when your check didn't come - or it came late - or it came at absolutely the last minute.

Again, not to be an ingrate, I realize how busy you are and all...

Well, let's talk again soon, OK?  Hello?  Hello?  You there?

I guess we got cut off...