happy birthday... and other stuff

8/31/09

so today is my birthday. there is something in me that was once puzzled by the custom of celebrating my arrival. and yet, considering all the things in one's life that try to bring you down, i think i rather like the idea, now.

it allows those that love me to say so without embarrassment - not to mention the occasional surprise.

like the unexpected call from my nearly invalid mother - who calls to ask if i'd like her to bring a cherry cobbler to my party. because, previously, she had said she would not come to the party at all.

but here's another idea. how do i consider this day? i have this ritual each new year of a considered re-examination of my life path. how about a ritual of - on this day - my own personal celebration not of my birth - but of the continuing rebirth i've been graced to experience. one that, to me, is so unlikely so as to be considered miraculous.

because, the one who was once so lost - how now been found. the one for so long without a safe place to call home, now has a home so wonderful - that i must often pinch myself to believe it.

be even more astounding, is that one so broken inside that i had abandoned hope of ever feeling any emotion fully - except pain or sorrow - has now been bathed in such a deep, warm pool of joy - that i almost shiver at the thought of how blessed i have become.

so, now, you see - the wonder of it all is that i - who was once blind to all the joy that God was continually giving - i now (like Saul of Tarsus) have seen the scales fall from my eyes. so that, now, in humble wonder - once once so blind - now can see. thank God for that.

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