Day One Entry: Dec 12, 2015

Simple Joys

Where does joy come from? There is, of course, no one answer and no simple one. The most honest answer is likely "It depends." It depends on who you are, when and where you are - and even why you are who, when and where.

I'm not here to develop an exhaustive listing, instead I want to consider how to make joy more frequent - more pervasive - simpler.

For reasons best explained elsewhere, I have spent my life focused on "the big things". The biggest thing was my near obsession with doing the "right thing" in the "right way". And, whereas there is nothing wrong with that in and of itself - some may even say it is admirable and lacking in the world as a whole - I find that it has personal consequences not often discussed.

Of course, much of the matter depends on the why one would choose such a life. For me, it was my response to personal pain and as a prophylactic for the human condition and persistent melancholia. And, this of course, is where complications arise - at least in my case.

Because, for me, the running after "big things" was many times more about running from my own demons and a sometimes feeble attempt at making meaning of it all. And, running from yourself is not only difficult - it is exhausting. Because, no matter where you move, no matter how many times you get a new job, a new house, or a new car - whenever you arrive - you will always find yourself there waiting.

And that leads us to my recent consideration of the phrase "life's simple pleasures". The phrase itself is deceiving - only because simple is purely a matter of perspective. The lovely meal I shared with my wife on Friday evening was delicious. And for us, it was as simple as choosing a restaurant, driving there, and having a valid form of payment available.

The pleasure we experienced - from the Sommelier's visit to our table, or the visits from the owner/chef - was genuine. The close conversation at a small and cozy table with the love of my life - it too was simple in many ways.

And yet. And yet things are rarely as they seem.

For many couples, agreeing on a restaurant is not always simple. And, depending on traffic in your town, getting there is also many times complicated. And, finally, given our busy, demanding work-lives, sometimes getting into the mind-space where intimate conversations are possible is many times a challenge.

But, as we shared glasses of good wine, shared a salad and bread, and then ate our entrees - a warm happiness filled us that we've lately missed more than we'd like to admit. And, even though this was not work for us, it surely was a great deal of work for the chef, the server, and even the owner of the establishment.

Changing jobs, changing cities, changing ourselves in the process - is NOT simple. And is oftentimes the case, the effort required to enable simple pleasures is itself daunting.

But, as a recovering bible-school graduate, I am reminded of a passage from the book of Hebrews, chapter 12. And I paraphrase it from memory, "No discipline is pleasant for the present, but afterwards it yields the fruit of right living".

In my sixth decade of living, all of the striving, all of the fear, all of the worry - has lead me to this. So much of that was unnecessary - but much of it was essential. Again, I am reminded of the bible story of Jesus talking to the sisters of Lazarus - Mary and Martha.

And, if you were to read the story in the book of Luke, you'd see two very different people. Martha, the"responsible one", always wanted to make sure the house was clean when Jesus came to visit. She worked on the menu and the seating chart. And all these things are necessary and good. And Mary, she was seemingly the one who neglected such things and (I suspect) spent a lot of time alone and in prayer or meditation. I suspect this because of two things.

Read below to get the background from Luke 10:

And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up
to him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve
alone? Tell her then to help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha,
Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is
necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."

I would love to tell you I am more like Mary in this story - and sometimes I have been. But, more times than not, I was more like Martha "anxious and troubled about many things". And, sadly, it is rare that I have simply "chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away…"

So, as you read these words, this is my attempt - nay my commitment to choosing well. These words on the page are my meditation - and in many ways they are my prayer. Because, when I do this, I am not anxious. And even though I am alone and not in a restaurant enjoying a delicious meal with my wife, I am experiencing a comparable joy that - in some ways - is incomparable.

Are you Mary or Martha? Which am I? Well, I am usually one or the other. As Richard Rohr has written in this book, "Falling Upward", we spend the first half of our life in "either/or" and (hopefully) we spend the latter half learning to live life in the balance of "both/and".

Life is rarely a Mary or a Martha choice. It is not that simple. Because to find time to meditate - while still doing your job, cleaning your house, and going to the gym - is not simple.

And, to live the life of a mountaintop monk who has no job or mortgage payment - this is not a life available to most of us.

But it is my hope that I become able to better choose how to do both things in 2016. I, of course, have bills to pay and chores to do. All of this is necessary and good.

But, at the same time, I want to never forget that the simple pleasures - while maybe not "the big things" in the eyes of some - are to many of us - very big indeed. I must not forget that.

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